Doh!

Anyone who knows me is well aware of the trials and tribulations I've had with the ladies. I am never nor do I believe will I ever be a smooth guy. My flirtation runs in the vein of dipping one's pigtails in the inkwell or saying she's got problems. Then there's the "innocuous approach" where I start out as a friend and then get shot down because I'm such a great friend. I've had girls cry after I've kissed them, been told they were too busy to see me for an entire quarter, I'm really sweet and will make a girl happy, the works. Basically, I win.

Then all that changed. As of March 2004, I met the most wonderful girl and we have been dating for about 19 months (18 if you ask her).

I'll spare the details about any further mushy behavior. You people came here to read something insightful, funny, and.... uhm... why are you here?!

Yeah. So it's a two way street. Maybe I should have made my intentions clear from the start. Maybe I shouldn't have expected the girls to "get the point." Maybe I shouldn't have been such a nice guy that they wanted to have their cake and date another guy that totally didn't treat them right while still having a guy emotionally there for them.

Cheer up, emo kid!

I'm a little bitter. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't. I hate the fact that I let those folks control my emotions and take energy, time, resources, and love from me yet never giving any back. It doesn't work that way because you give and give until finally you're husk, a shell of your former self. And I was there. I was that point where I was ready to hollow everything out just for the HOPE of a date. Cutting those connections were hard. Not the hardest, but pretty freaking tough all the same. Compared to other things I've been through they were small potatoes but that doesn't mean they hurt any less and that I am sitting calmly one day and get snapped into an old memory, out of the blue.

And then I run into someone, in person. Totally random, just they're there. They look a little different, slightly changed but deep in that exterior I see the face of someone I fell in love with so long ago. It's gone now but not without a little ache in a place long forgotten. By no means am I advocating to forget those come and gone, but I also worry that sometimes I'll get so mired in the past that I won't be able to move forward any more than I have now. It's especially hard now being out of school and not knowing what will come next. It's so easy to go back and look at the past and want to have that again in some way whether it is through seeing an old classmate or going back to high school. We've all done it, we all still do it. It sucks, it hurts, but it reminds me why I am where I am, and what I am to NEVER. EEEEEVER. DO. AGAIN.

Yeesh, very little sleep over the last couple of days. Nothing is coming out of this noggin' o' mine. Be back soon!

DRESDEN DOLLS - www.dresdendolls.com

So last night, I went to see a show with The First. The band was called, "The Dresden Dolls" consisting of only a pianist, drums, and sometimes guitar. (The true vowels, children.) Simply put, they rock. D (The First) had an awesome time as she loves them, and was singing along for most of the set, (whereas I sang along most of the time for Lucky Boys' Confusion.) They started the show with a White Stripes cover, and dressed up in drag and between songs they moved into regular costume (or as regular as I guess it was, as this was my first time seeing them. With the exception of the occasional asshole attendee that got invited to perform and the traditional "Freebird" request the show was great. They had slow songs, and songs that slapped you hard in the face with an aural assault of punching piano and deafening drums. The singer's voice is awesome, as she can do a note and scream at the same time. And her facial expressions are fantastic as I saw her move from touched to manic to outright rage and defiance through the set. The energy from the drummer was fantastic and this little column of mine will do him no justice. The fact I even try to describe her voice is arrogant on my part. There as another opening band (that we missed) and some side acts between the bands, such as a performance piece and a male contortionist (it's just not for Cirque Du Soleil!) along with this awesome marching band and some other street performers. There was an MC, Peter who was awesome to the crowd as well.

I do plan on following more of their music (and D does have the CD). D tried to get me to go to a show last year, but we didn't make it. I am definitely glad that I got to watch them this time. On a side note, best cover of "Hallelujah" I've ever heard. (Can anyone tell me if it was covered by Rufus Wainwright, or was that his own thing?)

More importantly though, the crowd was totally into it. Instead of something like Limp Bizkit or Creed where the crowd turned, this crowd was in costume, throwing up the horns, pumping their fists, and dancing. At least the ones on the main floor. Singing along adds so much to environment, it was almost electric with the way the crowd fed off them, and the DD gave it right back. Her voice was aching at the end but it only added to the impact of the music especially during "Hallelujah." I mentally began to draw some comparisons between her voice and Amy Lee's of "Evanescence" but D would kill me if I did, and each band is in a league of their own where comparison is really unfair to either.

By the way, if you're a TALL person, and you see someone short behind you, or someone's REALLY straining because you TOWER over them, how about letting them in front? Just to be a decent person. And if you think you're too cool to applause, scream and clap and would rather drink then sit the fuck down and let people who WANT to be there see the show. Whores.

Thanks to the Dresden Dolls. I hope to hear you again really soon. So much!