THINK! YOU GOTTA THINK (THINK)

(Xposted from myspace)

And henceforth, let it be noted that I do none of the following-

1) I do not work at Wal-Mart
2) I do not work at Target (anymore)
3) See 1 and 2.
4) I AM NOT YOUR FUCKING PIZZA DELIVERY GUY.

The past few months (and even farther back) have been pretty eye opening. Usually when I visit a department store, it's so I can do one thing- SHOP. Once upon a time in a land called Undergraduate I worked at Target. I have since left that continent for the 9-5erland. HOWEVER, as was the case two weeks ago in Target, in the span of maybe 20 mins. I was mistaken for an employee twice. I had a shopping cart full of goods (that I was buying), a pair of cargo shorts (not khaki), and a BLACK ARMY SURPLUS VEST on. Once, a woman asked if I knew where facial cleanser was. The second time was better- I needed pop and two ladies had decided to park their carts abreast the entire aisle. Moving one aside, I reached for my poison of choice, only to be interrupted. Turning around, an Old Lady asked me every so sweetly, "Excuse me, do you have anything here without Splenda?"

.......

Goddammit.

I told her I didn't work at Target, and she at first continued to look at me, as if staring me down would make me break down, that I had tried to confuse her. That I TRULY DID WORK at Target, and here was Mr. Smart Guy trying to lie to her. Her excuse for such an assumption, "Oh, you were just so efficient!"

Riiight. Meaning I know what I want, and don't have to piddle-paddle over every single damn ingredient on the label. The Springtime of Youth!

At Wal-Mart, employees wear vests with "HOW MAY I HELP YOU?" Emblazoned in big white letters against a dark navy background. Ineffectual. As I can attest, with every visit I've had at Wal-Mart SOMEONE thinks I work there. I could be shopping, I could be elbows-deep in the bargain video game bin. Someone always thinks I know how to work the self-serve register (which I do, but still not my concern) or where Some Item is in the store. T-shirt/shorts/sandals, hat, doesn't matter.

Maybe one day I should go to wal-mart dressed up like I work at Target. Name tag and everything.

The best had to be when I was at ACen this past year. I had some leftover pizza in a box, wearing my staff badge, tank top, Autobot forehead protector, a pair of shorts. I was standing in the lobby looking for my friends and some chap comes running up to me, holding his wallet.

"Excuse me! Medium pepperoni, extra cheese...?"
*blank stare from me*
*....Dawn of Realization from him*
"You aren't the Pizza Guy, are you?"
"No.... CON STAFF."
*dejection as he turns around and walks away.



....... Yeah. That right there is the topper I think.


For the record, that was pizza for my damn roommates, thanks.


Can some people please take a moment before assuming something about someone who is OBVIOUSLY NOT IN THE STORE UNIFORM?

Thankfully, it doesn't happen with EVERYBODY in the store. There's hope yet!