A Night Out at the Club

And it's game time!


We're here at your fashionable nightclub. The beats be kickin, the bodies be sweatin', and the moves be spinning.

Opening up tonight is this classic match of nature vs. nurture, estrogen vs. testosterone; man vs. woman!

The rules tonight are simple: The woman's on defense, while the man is on the attack. After the coin toss, she has elected to have a friend dancing with her. If necessary they have also retained the right to gratuitously make out. The man has chosen to be a lone wolf tonight. As such, he is outfitted in the standard leather jacket, button down, and dark pants. Yes, it's a hot club. No, I don't know if HE knows.

And we're off!

The woman and her friend have advanced near the DJs booth, and they have set up a spot. Outfitted in her tube top and tight black pants, the woman and her friend are already cooking up hot mix on the dance floor. They don't even seem to be aware the man is in the vicinity. Nor should they care as into each other they seem. Dancing with each other the two women are doing quite nicely so far.

And here comes the man! Hands up, bouncing up and down at the knees with his feet flat, the guy is making his approach. One.... two..... three..... and he's in! The woman has turned around, oblivious to the man! And he's making his final sweep in.... contact! The man has attained contact! But how long can he hold? The woman upon leaving her back vulnerable has allowed the man to move onto her and start grooving with her... on her backside. They're moving and she seems receptive. She's grinding... grinding back... and the guy, both his hands STILL up, is going with it! We just might have a match here, ladies and gents.

Ooop, now the turning point. The song is dying down, and so is her groove. There it is, the moment of truth. She's turning around and facing the man....


OH THE HUMANITY! She's whipped her head around back to her friend! The look on her face is totally showing "OH MY GOD" and there it is, she's grabbed her friend and they're running away! They're retreating to the back! The man could not maintain! He could not maintain!

Yes folks, he's still dancing. With his hands up. Yes, the music has stopped. Oh wait... there he goes, he looks puzzled. Oop, there's the shoulder shrug, looks like we'll have a round 2 some other time tonight!




This little tale was inspired by true events. Poor bastard.

SERVED!

Yes folks. It happens to the best of us. Often when we least expect it, thus making the moment flood with a bitter, bitter taste.

I was served.

I wasn't just served plain, mind you. Oh no. I got served. BY DORKS. (Trust me, they were dorks. I smell my own.)

My friend "Aeris" and I were revelling in the Halloween deco at her neighborhood Target (boycott them! They allow their pharmacists to withhold emergency contraception and birth control on moral/religious grounds! And they eat babies!) and made our way to the toy section. There, she made the most fascinating discovery; a Lego-themed pirate game! It was awesome. She ran up calling my name and then holding the game abreast. Her face lit up with mirth, amusement, and joy as she presented the game to me. In its technicolor glory was the game clutched in her hands. She was excited and pleased as punch said, "I'm totally going to kick your ass."

I heard it, first. Snickering and laughter. Rolling into a grand crescendo, spilling against my ear like a cold November rain, like thunder only less threatening and slightly greasier a trio of Dorklings at the end of the aisle were within earshot. One leaned over and said, "She's totally going to kick your ass."

I was stunned. Assailed from two forces at once, I could only muster a weak "Yeah, yeah she is." Taken aback at the verbal sling I had just been shot with, Aeris and I made our way out of the aisle, towards sporting goods leaving the three headed beast of geekdom behind. Boosted a +1 machismo being next to the bats and weights, I loudly said "Wow, I just got served by DORKS. I was DORK-SERVED." Aeris, taking my lead followed with a few loud dorks of her own. "YOU JUST GOT DORK-SERVED!?" She iterated. More giggling ensued from the other aisle followed by "YEAHHHH DORKS!"

Yeah, I was served. Yeah, I was taken down a peg. But it took three of them to do so.

And I know the intimate touch of a woman.

+1 esteem + 20 I WIN POINTS.