Phenomena occurrence - 06/13/2008
A missive to those near and afar...
The natives hath gotten restless! Set into my favorite port just 2 days ago with a companion of mine, K. K is a female of Asian lineage, to one gentleman in particular I figure she has to be attractive since he's dating her. He was not present this evening though. Ale was to be imbibed, as it was Friday and there are no better times than any time the day heralds the coming weekend.
The people ebbed and flowed in and around our table and the sun fell as we continued to drink. One beer, two beer, three beer, floor. Far too early in the evening for the floor, but there was definitely enough beer. Either way, my communicator decided to ring, another companion needed to plan the logistics for the evening. Stepping away from the table, I took my leave of K.
Not even 30 seconds later, I walked back to the bar only to find there had been a change in the Matrix. K had company! An extra 150 lbs. of button-down wearing, 5'5-6 Asian/Pacific Islander had appropriated my position at the table. From what I had observed from the distance he was already pretty excitable, and while his body language read "Save a horse, ride a cowboy" K's body language read "Vagina Dentata!"
Smirking, bemused, and with a steely resolve... once more unto the breach, dear friends.
Placing my arm around K's chair, I asked how things were going. "Hey, how are you?" Smiling, K started cracking up as Secret Pacific/Asian Man (SP/AM) became even more excitable. He vigorously introduced himself, shaking hands with me when in actuality sizing me up. He informed he was celebrating with his buddy who was now a doctor, and telling Karen about the wonders of Iowa, where he lives. The Bean was his favorite thing about Chicago, and if I'd ever seen it (hah!). Then came the $5 question.
SPAM: So how do you two know each other?
CA: Oh, we're dating.
SPAM: Really? How long now?
CA: Three years... been pretty well!
SPAM: Oh wow, that's great!
He then says, something about how K was laughing at him (she was) and I then decide to step things up...
CA: It's ok, she's always brutal like that.
SPAM: Ooh, I see
CA: Yeah, she likes it rough... brutal in the sack.
*K is dying*
SPAM: Oooh! She's a tough one!
K: Yeah, I'm small but pack a lot of power!
CA: Fuckin'a, right in the middle of it she likes to smack me right across the face. RIGHT ACROSS, pow!
SAM: Damn...!
CA: Isn't that right, sweetheart?
K: *Dying from holding in the laughter*
After a few more pointless never going to get'em back minutes, SAM decided to finally catch up with his buddy and leave us be... much to raucous internal applause and a high-five from yours truly. Possibly a hug from K.
The lesson? That whole convo went 10 mins. longer than it was supposed to be because SPAM didn't want it to look that obvious he had come over to talk to K. It's ok, step off once the friend approaches. Even moreso when he is obviously talking shit to get you to leave.
And his pickup line to begin with?
"I AM A KARATE CHAMPION ON YOUTUBE!"
Yeah, and I am Captain Awesome of the Vagina Dentata. Oh wait... I guess I am.
Awesome, out.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
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