When Harry Met Sally...

"Female friends are girls you just haven't slept with yet."- not sure where this came from.


Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright: Why not?
Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: You only think you do.
Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry Burns: I guess not.
Sally Albright: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.


I hate to admit it, but I get really affected by ideas I see in movies and tv. Pop culture and John Cusack shaped a whole lot of my personality, even Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew. I'm a bit more than that I know, but to say I didn't internalize anything I've watched time and again would be some outright bullshit.

Let's go with my perspective on what really amounts to something honestly pretty silly. It's when boy meets girl (or in our day and age, anyone that fits our romantic orientation.) "When Harry met Sally" has this whole dialogue about how (straight) men and women cannot be friends since from the start there's an underlying sexual tension, especially on the guy's part.

I like this idea. A majority of the reason a guy would approach a girl is to see if he can hit on her, and possibly pursue more. I've done it. I have friends who have done it. Hell I know girls who have done it. Ladies, don't fool yourselves. By the time a guy's approached you, chances are he's imagined you naked or will in the next few minutes. Of course this does not necessarily hold in the case of job interviews, family functions, etc. Mostly just in social, informal interactions and events. This all only applies if the guy is straight though. I am not bi or gay so I cannot comment on that. But to be honest it's that initial attraction and promise of naked dancing that a guy would even say hi to a girl. Maybe it's a momentary lapse in judgment or an extreme circumstance. But normally you'd be hard-pressed to figure any other reason that a male would approach the female unless he wants to "make time."

Even when the relationship evolves into a platonic kind of situation, that only exists because a conversation started due to the initial attraction. We approach because we want to bone. If we become friends and we're ok with that, that's what we'll do. If not, we'll bide our time, build a case for ourselves, and one day maybe reach that Breaking Point. You know the one. Standing outside with a boombox. Declaring affection in a public space or in a car during a rainstorm. Maybe writing a note and taping it in someone's locker. Risk all that friendship to maybe just maybe hit that level we initially wanted to be. And maybe just maybe it will work! Or we cut our losses and drop the entire situation.

It doesn't have to be that way, and we're evolved enough that it doesn't have to end like that, but that attraction is/was/will be there. Whether to act or write it off is on our end. The whole thing isn't rocket science. Girls I've known either try to defuse the guy and keep him as a friend, or remain blissfully oblivious to "Hey, this guy might like me! He does things for me and makes me presents, but of course he's just a really good friend even when he writes poetry about me."


Shame on me for not seeing things for what they were. Shame on you for trying to have your cake and eat it too.


More on this later, I'm sure.